Nerves Shot to Hell

Let’s be honest with each other, okay? I’m still trying to calm down after an embarrassing interaction with an employee at a shop in which I was trying to return something. I have already gone into heated (read: VERY pissy and self-affirming) detail over on twitter, and as much as I could go on for days about how upset I am, I am going to do my best to move on.

The day has been a strange one; I’ll allow that much. Low-hanging clouds shrouded the hills and the air was constantly full of mist. What seemed magical at first quickly turned stifling. While I was in town I went back to Harris + Hoole for a coffee, partly to calm my nerves but also to kill time before my train back home. This is the third Sunday in a row I’ve gone out for coffee. I’m not sure if this trend is long-lasting although I have to admit that I’m really quite enjoying it. Hopefully it sticks a while longer.

There is hardly any time left in the weekend but I did manage to get a lot of stuff done, even at the expense of my nerves and the soles of my shoes. My head is full of endless lists of things I’d like to do with my image, my time, my life. I wonder if when it’ll all fit together so I can stop feeling like I’m ticking things off and instead can just enjoy existing. That’s a lot to chew, but I think it gets easier over time. It must, surely? I guess we’ll find out sooner or later.

One thing I would love to improve is my time management on a long-term basis. Lately I’ve been having trouble planning events or outings more than a day in advance, which isn’t the best or most practical way to do it at all. I would like to be able to commit to something 5-7 days before it happens without knowing there is an eighty percent chance that I will change my mind. But I also think that I’ve got to give myself some slack when it comes to messing up in general. I spend a lot of time feeling like everyone is noticing my tiniest missteps and laughing at my expense, when in reality that’s not very likely (I hope, anyway!) in most cases.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got today. See you in February! Or, tomorrow. Whichever.

day 31 nerves shot to hell