I made the mistake of looking at my bank account today and it’s not looking good, folks. Money is such a sore spot for me and I hate it so much! Like, yes, I’m excited to go to Vegas next month, and I don’t regret my decision to buy tickets to see BTS, but I definitely feel guilty for spending so much money on this trip. Seeing such a low number in my checking account and then also seeing such a low number in my savings account is really bringing me down. It’s scary, and it makes me feel like a little kid again. Obviously there is a big difference to my finances now versus when I was younger, and I’m incredibly fortunate enough to be in a situation where I know there is money coming again soon. Still, the PTSD is very real.

So right now I’m feeling grumpy and annoyed and, to be completely honest, a bit fragile. There isn’t really anything I can do right now to fix everything, so it’s just a matter of staying calm and waiting ’til pay day. For now I just need to keep busy and keep myself preoccupied with other things. Easier said than done.