Last night I had the realisation that I’m actually feeling really anxious about going to my mother-in-law’s birthday trip later this week. I thought the trip was just the usual family members but now that I know it’s also aunts, uncles, cousins, and grand parents… My anxiety is actually sky high thinking about how I’ll have to have conversations with so many people.

I just really hate feeling anxious about this sort of thing. Realistically I know it’s going to be fine, but my brain is panicking because there’s nothing I can do to prepare beforehand so I just have to wait until we go. Plus I was meant to go in to the studio today to do some work but I just couldn’t get out of bed because I felt so burdened by my anxiety. I ended up working from home for an hour and then attempted to play The Sims 4 to zone out. Unfortunately for me, my plan was flawed when I was thrown off by some work stuff and couldn’t get back into gaming.

Instead, I decided I needed a “win” and Alex and I drove over to B&Q to buy the materials I needed to make my DIY plant rail. I’d been wanting to add more hanging plant space in the living room window for a while now so it was a good thing we had a gift card that could cover this spur-of-the-moment project. A 2.44 metre rod, brackets, and S-hooks came to a total of £22 and putting it all together was actually pretty easy. I did somehow manage to get the drill bit jammed in the hammer drill which is unfortunate, but now I have a lovely plant rail and a lovely living room window! I’m super pleased with the result and I actually do feel like I accomplished something today so at least there’s that.

Honestly I don’t know what to do about my anxiety right now. I don’t want to not go to my mother-in-law’s birthday trip, and I don’t even see me bailing on that as an option because I think it’s going to be cool to see a different part of England so I’ve got that going for me. The issue is coping with the anxiety beforehand. One of my go-to coping mechanisms is stress eating and I’m trying to do less of that at the moment because it is not beneficial to me. Other than stress eating, I tend to sleep all day, dive into video games, or bottle everything up. I don’t think I actually have a healthy coping mechanism for this kind of stuff. It’s hard to want to go for a walk or chat to a friend on the phone when I’m feeling sensitive and anxious! I do like going out into the garden, though. But I don’t know what a specific coping mechanism would be for that one… Hmm, I guess I’ll have to figure that out.

Anyway, I’m still stressed and trying to figure out how I can still live my life while feeling this way. Tough!! See you tomorrow.