It’s been a decent day and I’ve been feeling more optimistic. I finally got around to putting up this week’s photo journals so that weight is off of my shoulders.

I think I need to focus on my mental health, or more specifically, I need to focus on understanding my emotional triggers and how to prevent depressive episodes as well as how to care for myself while I’m in them. I have a lot of things I need to address within myself so I think seeking out some talking therapy is the way to go, as well as potentially exploring either a new medication or increasing my venlafaxine dosage. Hopefully therapy will do a lot of the heavy lifting because the venlafaxine has kept my pendulum from swinging too far into the darkness since I started it in 2019. Not sure when I’ll be able to find a therapist but for now I think I’m okay. I have a really good support network around me, so I’m very thankful for that because I don’t know where I would be without good friends and family in my life.

Speaking of focus, I think I’m going to end my lease at the studio and take a break from candlemaking. Honestly, I haven’t been enjoying running a business for a few months now and maybe scaling back and resetting is the right move. One thing that I’ve learned about myself recently is that I absolutely hate marketing and being a salesperson, so I don’t know if this is what I want to keep doing. I have to give three months notice on the studio so if I gave notice on November 1st I would have the studio until February 1st. It really sucks because on the one hand I feel a bit liberated at the thought of it, and on the other I feel like a failure.

But I think that right now I need to focus on doing shit that makes me happy. It is very important that I nurture and look after myself in all aspects so that I can continue being here.