Therapy went really well today! We talked about the “optimistic armour” I put on in social situations and around friends, always trying to be the best version of myself and the best friend I can be. I talked about how exhausting it can be to operate like that, and my therapist helped me see that a lot of that behaviour is tied to how scared I feel to just be me. And it’s so true! Since I moved to England in 2015 but even before that I’ve often felt like an outsider in friend groups, so I’m interested to see if I’m able to get to the root of that issue with my therapist. Something I want to practice more is receiving compliments without qualifying or downplaying them, too. Just saying “thank you” when someone says they like my outfit instead of “thanks, I got it on sale” or “thanks, but it’s not new” or “thanks, but it’s not really a good outfit” etc. The same goes for when someone says thank you to me! Alex thanked me for taking care of him while he was sick on Sunday and I burst into tears because I felt like I didn’t deserve the praise. Interesting, right? Definitely goes back to my upbringing so I’m sure that will be revisited in future sessions.

In other news, Alex called the plumber who helped us install a radiator and he’s arranged for him to come by next week to chat about the bathroom renovation. I’m a little nervous to actually get a quote for the work because I don’t want it to be crazy expensive. Bathroom renovations aren’t cheap, though, so I’ve just got to get past my hangups so we can have a nice bathroom! Besides, it’ll be good to hear a professional’s opinion on what we want versus what’s possible. I’ve got my fingers crossed that the plumber will say we can definitely go for tile flooring.

I had a nap in the afternoon and woke up feeling a bit groggier than I’d have liked. I guess that’s what I get for staying up until almost two thirty in the morning reading. Also apparently Alex forgot to give me my medication yesterday so that’s another part of the reason why I felt so tired.

Oh, and before I forget, my friend (the black and white neighbour cat) and the grey cat were both in the garden this afternoon!! The grey cat was being his usual vocal self but he came off of the fence to see me so I scooped him up and put him on the hammock. Rather surprisingly, he didn’t seem to mind! Then once I was done playing with the cats I had a look in the compost bin and found a super deep tunnel, likely made by a rodent of some sort. We really need to shovel out the compost bin so it’s not as full but the weather hasn’t made garden work a top priority for me. While I was out there today the ground squelched and squished with every footstep. Maybe on the next string of dry days we’ll get out there to cut the grass and empty some of the compost bin. Until then, I hope the compost critter enjoys their playground!