Jobs & Self-esteem

Something peculiar happened half way through my day whereby I received a phone call from a recruitment office regarding a job application I submitted. At first glance you might be thinking: hey, that’s pretty normal. What I forgot to mention is that I applied for the job back in October of 2015. Almost five months ago.

So I took the call, more curious than anything to see how I would handle the situation. Turns out I didn’t handle it very well at all (in my opinion). The woman was very nice, but I was so caught off-guard that I really struggled to churn out snappy and accurate responses to questions such as “would you be comfortable with a position that is strictly handling artwork” and “are you currently employed”. By the time I got off the phone call I felt so flustered and on edge that I literally had a ten minute stress-induced nap.

In all honesty I have little to no experience in the realm of interviewing for jobs, and although that phone call was from a recruiter looking to get more information about me so they could find me the right type of job, I can’t help but feel like I royally messed up? Last September I went in to London and interviewed for a job at one of my Dream Companies™. The position was basically a glorified receptionist role, but I loved the company so much that I was willing to do just about anything to get my foot in the door, even if I was overqualified for the job. Throughout the interview I felt great, but the instant it was over I began doubting the whole thing. I spent the whole train journey home kicking myself for smiling too much and for agreeing with the interviewer too many times. It was my first interview for a job I had ever wanted, and despite the reassurance that they would reach a decision by the end of the week, I was (and still am) crushed that I never heard back from them.

Since that interview I’ve been really doubtful of my skills and even just the way in which I present myself to strangers, let alone potential employers. I don’t handle rejection well by any means and something like that just totally stripped me of my confidence to the point where I was absolutely miserable. It’s still something I’m working to gain back, and despite today feeling like a bit of a setback in the self-esteem department, I think I’m making progress at my own pace.

Over the last few months I’ve been trying very hard to understand what I really want to do, and in the process I have discovered that I have so many talents. I’m a passionate baker, a curious and inquisitive researcher/fact-checker, a creator and curator, a story-teller, a thinker, and so much more. I’m still evaluating my strengths and weaknesses, and I am not totally sure what I want to pursue just yet but I know that when I do decide it’s going to be great.

day 33 jobs & self-esteem job


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