You know what sucks? When you’re being so hard on yourself and you can’t tell if it’s warranted or not. Today has been the type of day where I have found every reason to dislike myself and it’s exhausting. I’m frustrated about my weight and I’m annoyed with the length of my hair and I’m stressed out about so many things. It feels like I have been doing so much lately but then I don’t see results and I can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong. Is it something I can change about my eating habits? Do I need to switch up my routine at the gym? Or is it something that is completely out of my control like hormones or an undiagnosed health problem? Honestly I have no idea. I would love to push the blame away from myself and onto an under-active thyroid, although it’s probably unlikely.
It’s so difficult to come from a place where I have been consistently killing it at the gym, balancing healthy eating habits with a regular workout routine, to the last few days. It’s odd to look in the mirror and notice the weight a lot more than I used to when my weight fluctuated on a daily basis. I’ve grown so accustomed to seeing myself in a certain way that it is upsetting to think that I’ve regressed.
I know this is a super heavy topic for some people, but it’s really been the only thing on my mind today. I’ve been struggling to come up with a solution to help me get “back on track”. I decided to take a day off from my usual responsibilities, hoping that the free time would allow me to come up with a brilliant plan. Instead I just took a bubble bath, straightened my hair, and played Sims 4 for a number of hours. I don’t feel miraculously better by any means, but I do feel that my mood has improved a little bit now that I’ve taken some time for myself. My husband brought me a bouquet of flowers when he got home, and that definitely helped.
Today has taught me that making healthy decisions can be challenging. It’s important for me to remember to take a moment to think about things before diving into the first solution that comes to mind. Even though it wasn’t my best day, I’m glad I took today off and I hope that my self-esteem improves over the next few days because I seriously hate feeling this way.