Not Great

It’s been a really long time since I last stayed in bed all day. Tossing and turning from one fascinating nightmare to the next set of anxiety dreams. Mentally exhausted each time I wake up but unable to coax myself out of bed for anything more than a trip to the bathroom. Sometimes watching videos on my laptop, other times scrolling on my phone. Always drifting back to sleep. Always feeling guilty. Always being hard on myself.

Feeling lost is hard enough on its own. Coupling that with anxiety and anger is a cocktail to make any depressive person feel like total shit.

I know I have to be kind to myself. (Even though I’m angry that I can’t skip past this bout of low mood)

I know I am going to be okay. (Even though I feel like I’m the only person who has ever felt this way)

I know I have people who care about me. (Even though I feel like nobody is noticing or saying the right thing)

Right now it just sucks to have my brain but I’m very grateful to have a partner that respects me and gives me space to process whatever I’m going through. It also doesn’t hurt that he made an apple pie.