** Content warning: weightloss **

It’s been an unexpectedly heavy day so strap in, folks.

All was going well when Alex and I made a quick trip to the studio in the afternoon. We packaged up an order and then drove back home, enjoying the sunshine. I wasn’t really looking at my phone until we got home and that’s when I saw the group chat was popping off.

Basically: BTS is taking a break from making music as a group so that they can focus on solo projects. Every year, BTS celebrate their debut with ARMY by having something called “FESTA”. They release dance practice videos, take family portraits, and they have a dinner where they talk about the past year and look toward the future. The FESTA dinner video was released today (a day after BTS’ 9th anniversary) and in the hour-long video they were very candid with how they’ve been feeling as a group and also as individuals. I found it really touching that the members were being so open and honest about how they have felt about their last few musical releases and it became clear that they are long overdue for a break.

I cried, obviously.

I’ve been ARMY for just under a year now but in that time I’ve really found a ton of comfort, inspiration, and strength from BTS as performers, artists, and people. It felt like a break up, honestly. My friends in the group chat were all in shambles and we’re still coping with the news that things are going to be different for who knows how long. Nobody likes change!! I’m feeling a little less emotional about the news but it still stings when I think too hard about it. I was hoping there would be a world tour this year but now I have no clue. I do feel incredibly lucky to have seen BTS in concert during this “first chapter” as they’re calling it. I hope that they’re able to rest and learn and explore all of their passions during this down-time, and I really want them to enjoy it so that when they come back for “chapter two” they’re stronger than ever.

World-shattering news aside… I attended the first webinar for my weightloss program today and it was… Trash!! It was a forty-five minute powerpoint presentation of things I already knew and it just left me feeling pretty shitty. Like, the first bit of advice was to “keep a journal!” and then later on they asked us to reflect on, essentially, childhood trauma surrounding our eating habits, but without giving us any resources to help with those feelings. Woo!

I didn’t find the webinar helpful at all. There were maybe twenty others in the video call but we all had our videos and microphones turned off. A couple of times a few people turned theirs on and I was pretty shocked to see an elderly woman. Made me wonder if that’ll be me some day.

So I feel pretty emotionally drained today. Here are some pictures of bees enjoying the geraniums in my garden.