Author’s note: This journal entry was written after the fact on September 26th, 2022. The images, however, are from the actual day.
Since the pandemic, I’ve begun a new tradition to celebrate my birthday: pumpkin picking! This is the third year that we’ve gone to the pumpkin patch with Alex’s parents and it’s still a delight. The pumpkin patch we go to has really stepped their game up this year and it’s become more than just picking a pumpkin. There’s a bar, freshly made doughnuts, a merch stand with candles and clothing, a bbq shack, a pick n mix candy bar, popcorn and candy floss, a tea and coffee stall, and even a mac n cheese booth! We went in the afternoon and there were more people than we’ve seen in the last couple of years so the atmosphere felt quite lively. A lot of the pumpkins in the field were already cut from the stems but I did manage to find a couple that I could cut for myself just to keep the magic of actually picking my own pumpkin alive. I love going to the pumpkin patch and seeing all of the different shapes, sizes, and colours of gourds on display. I wish I could take them all home! In previous years we have brought home so many pumpkins that we didn’t know what to do with them, but this year I thought it would be best to be a little more reserved. We came away with a large warty pumpkin, a nice tall one, and a lovely assortment of medium to small-sized pumpkins. Some of the pumpkins will be used as bowls for my upcoming Halloween-themed bday party while others will be decorative until much closer to Halloween. It’s always fun to see how long the untouched pumpkins last in our house – we even have a white one from last year that’s still intact!
After we left the pumpkin patch and came back home I suddenly just felt a wave of depression wash over me. I got caught up in some negative self-talk where my brain was saying I don’t deserve nice things and that people not being able to come to my birthday party was proof that I don’t deserve nice things, therefore I shouldn’t go to my in-law’s house for a little pre-birthday celebration that evening. I cried for a while and felt really rubbish about myself, and I nearly asked Alex if I could stay home, but I decided I had to go. I still felt awkward and anxious and depressed when we got there, but at least I was trying to push through the negative self-talk.
Dinner was a tasty “chop chop” salad consisting of tofu, shredded carrot, cabbage, green beans, and new potatoes covered with a rich peanut sauce and served alongside tomatoes. Then afterwards we had cake and my mother-in-law was really great and conscious of the fact that I wasn’t keen on the birthday pressures so we didn’t sing “happy birthday” and I just waved the candles out with a card instead. It made me feel a lot better, honestly. The cake was a delicious black forest cake – an absolute winner in my book! And then I opened gifts while people had tea. One of the gifts I received was a lava lamp projector I’ve been wanting for ages!! I was so shocked and delighted, I just had to show it off so I quickly set it up and plugged it in so we could all watch in awe at the colours and shapes on the wall.
When Alex and I finally got home I couldn’t wait to set up the projector and use it even more so we put it on in the movie room and chilled for a bit before we put on a twitch stream and worked on painting the spots on the large mushroom tops.
