It’s been one of those days where it all gets to be a little bit overwhelming and before you even manage to make it out the door you start crying. Let the record show that I did eventually make it out the front door, although it was a few hours later than I had originally anticipated.
I have mixed feelings about writing about stuff like this because I know that one day I’ll read it back and it will all seem so silly and stupid, so what’s the point of even writing it in the first place? Well, the whole point of a daily photo journal is to document my days, so that’s what I’m here to do.
Today I let my frustration and stress get the better of me. I felt like I was letting a bunch of people down and, more importantly, letting myself down by backing out of commitments. It’s been at least a few months since I’ve had one of these episodes where my brain suddenly decides that I am not capable of doing the stuff I had agreed to, and as a result I feel very confused about how to deal with it. Over the last couple of weeks (maybe even longer, if I’m being totally honest) I have just been super stressed and not fully dealing with it. I suppose it’s a bunch of different things adding up until I’ve been reduced to tears, but hopefully now that I’ve cried I can move on.
I really miss doing fun things. We spent the day running errands, spending £100 on paint for next weekend and the whole experience just made me realize we aren’t doing much fun stuff for ourselves. Like, sure, of course we want to paint the living area and we’re so excited to get rid of our green walls, but I haven’t been to the movies since Valentine’s Day. As someone who is home all the time, I need to get out and about every once in a while if I want to remain sane.
Anyway, to sum it all up, I spent today feeling like a crap person in a crap state of mind, so I canceled the rest of our plans for the weekend in order to make room for my bad attitude. Hopefully I feel less crappy tomorrow.