Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the flat
Not a creature was meowing, not even a cat.
The candy canes were hung on the fairy lights for flair,
In hopes that they would look nice displayed right there.

The kitties were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of cat treats danced in their heads.
And Alex in his jumper, and I with my phone,
Had just settled down to watch Home Alone.

When out on the road there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window, I was out of my mind,
Tore open the curtains and peered through the blind.

The moon on the roof with no snow to be seen
Gave way to illuminate the branches on the trees.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew, at that moment, it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!”
To the top of the roof! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, we heard by our door
A prancing and pawing we couldn’t ignore.
As I turned to my husband, and asked, “What the hell?”
Suddenly, St. Nicholas rang our door bell!

We buzzed him in and helped with his bag,
His clothes were all tarnished but he didn’t brag.
A bundle of gifts tumbled out on the floor,
He apologized for the mess and said he had more!

His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His breath reeked of schnapps but we offered him a drink,
He waved it away and said, “I’ve had enough tonight, I think.”

He was chubby and plump, and he needed a wee,
And we laughed when he wandered to the bathroom to pee.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon made us realize we should have been in bed.

He nodded his head and went straight to work,
Placing the presents around the flat, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, he wiggled his toes.

He dashed out to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”