Unexpectedly Heavy

Author’s note: This journal entry was written on December 16th, 2022 however the photos are from the day itself.

I was supposed to have therapy yesterday but my therapist rescheduled it to today. Before a session I like to write a little bit in my therapy journal about my week as a way to give myself some talking points during the session. I went in with a few things but honestly my week was really good! I’ve been feeling stable with my emotions and my ability to handle any small hiccups, so I talked about that for a bit.

About halfway through the session, my therapist asked me about my move to the UK and if I wanted to talk about it since we hadn’t yet. I said sure and I walked through the significant things that happened in my life from the end of 2013 until the end of 2015. When I was talking about all of the losses I’d experienced (friendships in particular) and how lonely and isolated I was, I started crying. It really caught me off guard but I just felt sad for my past self. That period of my life was incredibly difficult and one of the most dark times I’ve gone through. When I was experiencing those hardships I wasn’t able to fully process them or grieve them, but now I can. It felt good to share all of that with my therapist and she really could see how that period has had long-lasting effects on my self image.

I won’t have another session until January and even though this last session ended up being unexpectedly heavy, I do feel confident that I can handle things myself. I’ve only been seeing my therapist for four weeks but I really have noticed a big improvement in my emotional control.

After therapy Alex and I went to the shops and had a little mooch (my fave thing to do when I’m feeling a little sensitive) and we ended up buying a few gingerbread house kits. I think it would be fun to do them with his parents or his sisters so maybe we can find a time to get together and make some gingerbread houses.

Anyway, that’s pretty much all that’s happened today. My whole body is so sore from the heels class I did last night – my hot water bottles are working overtime this week! Definitely looking forward to resting more tomorrow.