Hitting Hurdles

I am exhausted. Just, like, every inch of me is fatigued. I woke up early this morning and started working on my assignments but I hit a wall pretty quickly once I realized I had no clue where to begin. I eventually emailed my tutor with a laundry list of questions, hopeful that she would be able to impart some wisdom. Haven’t heard back from her yet but maybe she’ll send me a response sometime tomorrow.

Hitting hurdles like that really work up my anxiety and I felt incredibly overwhelmed. I’m not finding much joy in these assignments because I’m totally burnt out from everything. I really needed a break between the last module and this one, so the fact that I didn’t get one has made it that much harder for me to want to finish this module. There are also a lot of things on my mind, which doesn’t always leave enough room for stuff like assignments. Every few weeks I get bogged down with all of my thoughts and all of my tasks and it’s really difficult for me to work through that sort of brain-fog.

I keep coming back to the thought that I’m not doing enough for myself, you know? It feels weird even typing that out because I just don’t want to believe it’s true. Sure, I do spend time doing stuff that I want to do, but something isn’t clicking. It’s like my battery has run out and I’m not allowing myself to fully recharge before diving into the next thing that comes my way. Some of the things I look forward to each week are going to the gym and playing Sims, but I try not to do the latter too many days in a row or else I go a bit cross-eyed.

The assignments for my module are due next week and I’m really struggling to encourage myself to push forward with them because I don’t enjoy sourcing flooring and wall coverings for an imaginary family. In all honesty, the only thing that keeps me going is the threat of a deadline.

day 174 hitting hurdles