Job Hunt Anxiety: My Own Worst Boss

As the end of the year draws nearer and nearer, I can’t help thinking about the fact that I will need to start looking for a job. I’ve never been great when it comes to applying for things. I was rejected from the BFA film program at my university, and last year I had a job interview with a company and never heard back from them. I’m lucky enough to have been recommended for positions by friends and family members who have recognized my talent and decided to help me out, but I’m afraid that I don’t really have that network here in England.

In many ways, I feel like I’m at a huge crossroads. I’ve spent countless hours over the past year working on projects, and while I love creating stuff for myself, I have come to the realization that this is not something I can do forever and remain happy. Taking part in this 2016 Photo Journal has been such an uplifting and challenging project for me, but I’m just not getting the recognition or validation that I need in order to make all of this worthwhile.

It’s like I’m working at a company where I’m the boss, the employee, the janitor, and the landlord. I always work long hours, I never take vacation days, I don’t get compensated for overtime, and I never get any praise for the work that I do. Anyone in their right mind would quit a job that treated them as badly as I treat myself, right?

Knowing this, it’s time that I start looking elsewhere. My main concern about finding a job is that I won’t have time for the rest of my life. I take so much pride in the work that I do — my photo journal, my novels, interior design — that I’m very reluctant to let all of that go for a job that I might end up hating. I’ve thought long and hard about the type of career that I would like to pursue, but I still can’t make up my mind. And maybe I don’t have to decide just yet, but it would be nice to have an idea of what I want to do with my time.

I want to make the right choice. I want to be able to work somewhere that is creative so that when I come home I don’t feel a pang of guilt when I see my laptop waiting for me because my job leaves me feeling so full. Next year I need to find a job. I need to work with/for someone who sees my potential and wants to help me reach it, all while cheering me on and giving me a pay slip every month. Cross your fingers that I find the right one.

day 316 job hunt anxiety: my own worst boss