Difficult Parts

Today was a therapy day so I’m feeling more pensive than usual. I talked about Thanksgiving and that brought up a lot of my childhood conditioning to be “perfect” in order to be worthy of love and attention. My therapist pointed out that I really wanted Thanksgiving to be about me, and it’s actually really true. I think there are a lot of moments in my past where I didn’t get the recognition that I deserved so I’m always trying to fill that hole. I also talked about my relationship with my mom and it felt good to feel validated for my feelings.

I can tell today’s therapy session was a heavier one because I’m still chewing it over. I’m at this point with my trauma where I’ve come really far and I can see where I want to go but I know there’s still so many annoying, difficult parts to slog through and I’m scared that I’ll wind up extremely depressed and unable to pull myself out of it. But hey, at least I’m recognising it! That’s the first step toward doing anything, so well done me. I’ve gotta resist my temptation to rush through everything that makes me uncomfy.

After therapy, Alex and I went over to the studio to package up some more orders and pack some more things up to bring home. Bringing my large wax melter home with us was a bittersweet moment because it really feels like I’m approaching the end of a chapter. There’s still so many candles and wax melts left so I’ll have plenty to enjoy until I decide what my next “thing” is.

In other news, I finally got myself one of those fancy light up mechanical keyboards and an extremely cute BT21 desk pad. It’s been at least a decade since I’ve had a mechanical keyboard so it’s taking a bit of getting used to but I’m enjoying the aesthetics at least. I spent a little bit of time playing The Sims 4 on the desktop to help me get used to it. Maybe I’ll spend more time in the office now that I’ve got a cute desk set up.

Anyway, it’s been really cold but sunny today. I’m doing okay and looking forward to dance class on Friday. Feeling a little sad about my candle business winding down, too. See you tomorrow!